I love you so much that it breaks my heart
It brings me to that place
Where I fear
Being torn apart
It elicits grasping
This place where
I imagine
I have to tell you repeatedly
How much you mean to me
So that you can clearly see
You should never leave me
I have a child inside of my side
She spent a long time trying to hide
For fear of being used up
And left out to dry
Like a cows hide
Stripped from its life
This child's body, mind, and soul
Were everyone else's
She was never allowed to be whole
Because they'd infiltrated her
Made the two one
And than raped her of
That unity
By walking away
"Letting her be"
She never wanted to be
Be alone
Because all that was left
When they walked away
Was a closet empty
On a winter day
Everyone took their coats and hats
What was her purpose
If it wasn't to hold that
Hold the things that protected
Everyone else
The ugly
The angry
The empty shells
Here I sit
With this kid
She's no longer for storage
We've found a lid
To contain ourselves
And keep out others shit
But then you came
Like a wave of pain
The kind elicited by sutures
When closing a wound
You saw the places we had yet to seal
You asked us to heal
Just a little more
And we inevitably had to open the door
Because we can't stop something that's beyond our mind
This love that we have
Transcends space and time
So she and I
We sit here asking
What the fuck do we do
With this thread in our skin
That's holding us together
Keeping us in
We're not used to it
This allowing ourselves
To love
And be loved
Because we're no longer
A storage bin
We don't feel safe letting stuff in
We're terrified that you will leave
And the seams will begin to bleed
And we won't have healed
Quite enough
To feel super tough
If you break it off
Don't leave me
She cries
As someone breaks her heart
She's used to loving the feeling
Of being torn apart
She's scared she'll create it
Or that she's not good enough
To keep you around
She's scared you'll leave her empty
On the ground
So many others have walked away after bonding with her
In a special way
Letting you in
Is her greatest fear
Because she believes if avoided
She can keep you near
Near enough to be had
Without getting hurt
In my left side lower belly
This creature lurks
Terribly traumatized
And horribly scared
All she wants is your love
Your elven ears
She wants to go home
And never be left alone
When she needs you
She needs both you and me
I alone am not enough
No matter what the philosophers say
I know that there is one single way
To accept this truth
I am whole and divine
But not without you
Give me
Your love
And terrify my child
She will grow from this
And if this is truly wild
It will last
I leave the fear of the unknown in the past
I accept that I need you
I accept that you could leave me
And if you do
I'll know it wasn't you
I was meant to ascend with
And I will accept that truth
No matter how painful it may be
I have faith that the cosmos
Will carry me
If ever again I am left by myself
Without a love or a home
A light
Or a shelf
-Beth F
(Let it be known that they left me alone before I left them forever and I survived)